


Promises & confessions.

by taiji



Category: X JAPAN
Genre: Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mornings, Night Terrors, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:22:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26487118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taiji/pseuds/taiji
Summary: Set in the present, Hide is alive.After explaining his horrible nightmare to his lover, the two discover secrets which would've never conversationally unveiled yet Yoshiki hadn't told him.- Hide capitalised for reading purposes.逸凡。
Relationships: hide/Yoshiki (X JAPAN)
Kudos: 2





	Promises & confessions.

**Author's Note:**

> My 3rd fanfic today '0'
> 
> If this is depressing for you, I apologise... it was depressing for me to write ^^'
> 
> 逸凡。

Yoshiki. He sauntered across the land, exploring an unfamiliar world. Given without reason to question where he stood, he continued his tracks. A crawling on his skin, quite clearly a warning, reason unclear. He was here without purpose that not even he could question. Sense, resembled him watching somebody controlling himself. He went along with it, somewhat acquiescing the fate, it was as if he was just watching a movie with himself starring. Wandering for a bit, he suddenly encountered with his previous house. Further details obfuscated, he gently pushed the door open. The sight the inside contained crushed his heart.

On the floor of the entrance, his best friend lie as he’d taken his own life.

In this moment, his entire world fell into a pool of darkness. It felt his entire life were taken along as well. Impossible to cope, impossible to ameliorate, without Hide, what was his life’s worth? Meeting a deprecation of life now, the worth was unclear. It was stolen from him along with his friend. _I wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t good enough._ Facing temptation, such words repeated in his head. _If I were good enough, he’d have stayed._ Largely inhaling, he took final steps before leaping off the roof of X’s studio.

Unable to move, only ability being feeling and hearing.. A voice that sounded like Toshi’s…

“Yoshiki!”

No response.

“Yoshiki!!!”

No response.

Finally, body being shook,

“YOSHIKI!!!”

\---

“Yoshiki!”

Shouted by his lover, Hide, “Are you alright!?”

Suddenly Yoshiki noticed he’d suddenly been in his bed, blinking a few times he finally could focus his eyes. Spotting his lover Hide, he was now at peace. “Hide!? Is something wrong?” Covering Hide’s face, confusion and a sense of worry, “Yo-chan, you were crying in your sleep! Did you have another nightmare?” Flustered, Yoshiki, unsure how to respond, decided to admit the embarrassing truth. “Hide-chan, I had a dream you committed suicide because I wasn’t good enough for you.. so I did too.” 

Chills entered, falling in and out through Hide’s body, “I would _never_ do such a thing. You think I’d kill myself because you’re not good enough for me!? No.. If anything, you’re too perfect for me.” Explained Hide, now pulling Yoshiki to rest in his arms. The warmth of Hide not only gave him a sense of safety, but also a reminder that there’s someone who’ll always be there for him, “It should be the opposite, without you, my life is nothing.”

A soft, but melancholic smile appeared on Hide’s lips, “Guess that we feel the same… After X broke up, despite being suicidal, you’re the only reason I stayed. Because I need to be with you.. and I’d never be able to do something as selfish as leaving you behind.” He confessed to his lover of a situation that had happened over 20 years ago. Suddenly in Yoshiki’s eyes had appeared the nearly forgotten look of holding back tears, heartbreaking yet beautiful. “I.. I didn’t know you were suicidal, why didn’t you tell me!? I’m so sorry I never noticed..!” He couldn’t even translate all of his sudden thoughts into words.

“I’m sorry for hiding it from you, I just didn’t want you to worry about me.. You were already stressed enough and all I wanted was for you to be happy.. But hey…. At least I’m alright now.” He weakly smiled, yet Yoshiki had never had this nightmare, Hide wouldn’t confess of this. Yoshiki’s arms wrapped around his lover’s neck, he held him close. Slightly further apart suddenly, “Hide-chan.. If you ever feel this way again, please tell me… do you promise you will?”

Hide nodded, “If you promise the same for yourself.”

Yoshiki agreed “I promise.”

Next Hide as well this time.. finally, “Then I promise.”

For a last time, Hide held Yoshiki close to him, the two able to hear each other’s heartbeats. Yoshiki never had experienced a feeling of keeping something you love for so long… Until Hide, he and Yoshiki have experienced everything together for over 30 years now, and both hoped things would stay like this forever.

Finally Hide ended their peaceful silence, “Hey, Yo-chan.. I didn’t plan to start the day like this… I’m sorry”

Of course Yoshiki could forgive Hide, who he’d loved more than anything in the world. “No need to apologise… just.. don’t forget our promise, okay?”

Softly, Hide smiled. “I won’t forget… Now come on, let’s get our mind off of this conversation, let’s go downstairs and I’ll make you breakfast.”

逸凡。

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was kind of depressing for me to write. It was also a bit difficult as I'm used to describing scenery instead of emotions, but hey, improvement is always possible =^w^= You don't know how many times I had to look up words while writing this just to be sure I'm using them correctly! ^^' 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed =^w^= 
> 
> 逸凡。


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